Social Media Quitter

(a.k.a. - the birth of the Smussy. pronounced Smo͝osē)

"Taking a break" is something I've been hearing from a few friends lately.  It's said in regard to why they have disappeared on Social media.  It's usually coupled with some weak reason for the needed electronic vacation.  Reasons are usually based in this Quitter being more special than everyone else.  Well guess what Buttercup, you don't get to make that call unchallenged.

Instead, I contend that, you need to get up each morning, sleep boogers still in your eyes, messy hair, cradling that cup of Joe, as you turn on that device and look at doggy and kitty photos, and pictures of food and undesirable people making excuses for their miserable lives - AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT LIKE A MAN - just like the rest of us.

*Ladies Note* - I'm going to use masculine terms in this piece, because I think it sounds better coming from a guy, but switch some words to more feminine versions, and you have yourself an equally appropriate critique of this cowardly behavior presently being perpetrated by those of your gender.

Weak Reasons Offered:

"I just can't do it anymore.  The stupid is making me ill."  

Well guess what Einstein, just because you decided to stick your head in the sand, doesn't mean that the real world stops happening.  Yes, some people might not be the brightest bulbs in the pack, but to call other people "stupid", when your strategy for long-term mental health includes pretending other people don't exist, so that you can believe that your thoughts are the "bestest thoughts ever" is...well...misguided at best, and stupid at worst.  

Simply because you choose to ignore something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  Ignoring people is selfish because it does nothing to improve the situation.  But you'd prefer the mental masturbation of a single person conversation, to having to deal with actual conversation with real people and maybe a photo of a weiner dog in a Mickey Mouse costume, that rolls down your feed once in a while.  Your, "I'm superior, so I choose to hide" strategy is for pussies.  As the manly Ayn Rand once said, "You can choose to ignore reality, you just can't ignore the consequences of choosing to ignoring reality."  If you can't handle the electrons that comprise the posts on social media, what the hell can you be counted on to handle, if and when you are in a REAL situation?  Man-up, Cupcake.

"I like people too much to continue to participate".  

I call bullshit on this reason too, Mr. Empathy.  You like people by cutting them out?  Really?  That's how you like people?  Remind me not to play with my kids, as that interaction might be mistaken for not caring.  And I guess I need to stop calling my wife, because communicating is always a sign of distain.  What the hell kind of logic is this?  I think you confuse "empathetic" with just plain "pathetic".

To say, "I'm taking a break from social media" is to say, "I have lost control of my fingers that click stuff on screens, and my ability to process information is so poor, that I need to go into a blackout mode, like a defacto Dictator in search of a cyber spider hole, because social media people are out to get me." 

These Quitters are Social Media Pussies (herein referred to as "Smussies").  They don't have the balls it takes to simply talk to other people from the comfort of their own location of choice - because other people might say something they don't like.  Are you kidding me! It's not like you have to even worry about getting a punch in the mouth on Facebook.

Signs you have a Smussy on your hands:

1.     Negativity memes

You see this, and you're like, "Oh shit, here we go.

You see this, and you're like,
"Oh shit, here we go.

Usually the first signs of a person cracking is when they start posting memes with a photo of a couple of friends sitting at a campfire, and the words say, "Keep you circle of friends small" or something along those lines.  Or maybe they post the pathetic, "I am cutting down my friends list because I can't take the negativity I've been hearing lately."  In most cases you can read "negativity" as anything that doesn't directly agree with every word they utter.  If you aren't in 100% agreement, you are "negative".

I often wonder how the present definition of "negativity" works out in our physical world?  I can imagine these Smussies saying, "I had to fire my Architect.  He told me a 2" X 4" can't hold the weight I told him it needs to hold.  He's so negative."  Or, "My Dr. is so negative.  How dare he not give me an owl heart so I can see better?"

2.     Culling/Defriending

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for allowing me to I care.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for allowing me to I care.

Next, the process moves to culling.  Culling can happen in a lot of ways.  The most manly among the quiters will just do it.  Not to say that culling is manly, because real men like their humanity in it's natural, raw uncensored form.  But if there is a way to be the most manly smussy possible, just cutting without any warning is the best way to do it.  No one cares about your reason for not liking other people.  Do it or don't - and just shut up.  Like pulling a band aid.

If you feel you have to announce your pending defending, well buddy, you are really thick in the weeds of douchery.  I hate to break this to you Sport, but no one is crying, or biting their nails at the thought of the pending electronic disassociation.  Confidentially, if you hadn't mentioned it: they probably wouldn't have even noticed.

So in conclusion: when you start to see "cutting down my friends list" posts, you know you have a jumper Smussy on your hands, who will soon be having a meltdown in the form of a social media vacation.

3.     Threats of leaving

Ok.  We get it.  We've seen the other signs.  Leave already.  People that continually post things like, "I think I need to give Facebook a rest" or "I will be quitting Facebook in a month" are just like guys that say, "I promise to get my shit together, and start saving money...right after this next tattoo."

You know you've seen this in your friends list already.  At this point you are like "yea!"

You know you've seen this in your friends list already.  At this point you are like "yea!"

Come on man!  Like Yoda says, "Do or do not...there is no try."  If you are going to leave...LEAVE!  No need for fanfair.  You already culled most of the people that would have given a shit anyway.  Just pull that trigger like a big boy.  We'll be OK without you.  Really.  We will.  Just go now. No, seriously, you can go now.

My point: no one cares.  If you want to leave, you're a grown person for god sake, and we're just talking about posting on the internet.  We're not talking about disconnecting your lifegiving, owl-heart, blood oxygenation machine.  This isn't life or death dude.  Just do it, Smussy.

So What Can be Done?

Like most rules for being a man, the answer comes from the movie Fight Club.  In that movie, we learn that men can be what they want to be, and do what they want to do: as long as they don't talk about it.

If it helps you remember, making moves on Social Media, is just like peeing at a pubic urinal.  You do your own thing.  Keep your eyes on your own business.  Do what the job demands, and then pull the trigger.  Any and all conversation in both situations just makes you look suspect.

*Bonus Strategy* - A Case for Never Joining

This might be the best, most manly options available.  A lot of guys I consider to be of at least average intelligence, and possessing a moderate to high work ethic, have said to me, "Why would I want to get involved in that?  Seems like a waste of time."  

These words are nearly poetry, as truer words could not be spoken.  The directness of this horse-sense is so testosterone-laden, that it's a masculine masterwork not to be questioned.  Take note Smussies, this is how it's done in the big leagues.