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King David obtained his kingdom in the most reasonable and civilized way known to man: birthright and inherited wealth. 

But if some uppity American folks insist on the failed idea that "free elections, and "free people" are something desirous, these are some rules that would need to be installed to make that happen.

Thereby, be it henceforth proclaimed that when I'm "King David The Hanging Chad" this is how elections will work in my American kingdom:

1.   No campaigning


Some people say, "You need campaign finance reform".  Sounds good right?  But I find that solution too arbitrary and unenforceable.  People will find ways to cheat "reform".  Political Action Committees (PAC's) began as a way to skirt campaign rules.  Why would anyone believe "reform" would be enough?

Instead I suggest, gag orders

When you decide to run, you are served with papers that prohibit you from campaigning.  If you are found doing any media whatsoever, after you declare candidacy: you go to jail.

We live in the information age.  You can research any candidate you want.  You can see their record.  Their past.  What they did while in other jobs or offices.  You can get their school grades, tax returns, etc.  THAT'S ALL YOU NEED!

A candidate will do in office what they did before they gained office.  It's their skill set. It's what they know.

Why do I need them to make speeches and lie to me?  Why do I care what they THINK they can do?  All I need to know, is what they HAVE BEEN able to do elsewhere.  That's all I need to pick the right candidate.

This is simply a JOB INTERVIEW.  It's nothing more.  Granted, it's a BIG job interview, but the bottom line is: you are trying to select the right person to do the JOB.  So why not treat it as a job interview? 

2.   Weighted voting

To make voting produce better results:

  • 1 man = 1 vote.
  • 1 man + show a paycheck for one year worked at an average of over 30 hours a week = 1.25 votes.
  • 1 man + take a short quiz on civics (read a part of the immigration test) = 1.25 votes.
  • 1 man + the paycheck + the quiz = 1.5 votes.
  • 1 man who has employed over 5 people for the past year = 1.5 votes.
  • 1 employer (no paycheck) + takes the civics test = 1.75 votes.

King David believes this system would yield better results, and may inspire those that work hard, and actually contribute to society to have renewed hope for our voting system.

In our present system, one low-information voter (who will vote based on skin color or gender) 100% cancels those citizens that actually contribute, provide jobs, taxes and bother to understand our system of governance. This seems to King David to be unfair.

3.   No Electoral college

King David says, "The peasants can't call it an election, claiming to be free people, if I have a safeguard that lets me overrule the people if they "get it wrong.  That shows it was never a real election in the first place."

Truly "free" elections necessarily need to be messy affairs.  Rituals by which even the most dirty and unwashed peasants might select the scum of the earth as their representative and leader. 

If we are to put in safeguards, why go through the charade at all?  Why not treat them with the disdain and heavy-handedness actually proper when Rulers are accurately place in power by birthright?

4.   No appointed Delegates or redistricting

  • All representative Delegates must be elected.
  • All voting districts must have four sides, and be rectangular in shape with no side being more than 4 times longer than the shortest side. 

These two rules keep shenanigans to a minimum.

5.     All primaries happen on the same "Primary Day"

No more using unrepresentative states in odd parts of the country in a weirdly spaced order to determine front runners and popular opinion. With Rule #1 in place, there is no need for this archaic rule.  So let's let every state have a say in the primaries, instead of making about 46 of the 50 states irrelevant.

In closing, King David says, "You can't have it both ways, little-people.  Either you want really free elections, or you want the sham you have today.  If you want to continue to pretend you pick the winners: be my guest.  But I simply don't get it?  My royal placement is equally "free" and much more efficient."